Why do we matter?

Feeling like you do not matter is the worst feeling in the world. It is worse than pain (physical or emotional) and leads to a darkness that is so deep it seems endless.

We often respond to those questioning with ‘Of course you matter’ as if this is the most obvious reality in existence. But why do we matter?

For the past 30 years I have espoused that I matter not because of what I do but who I am, especially when people comment on my ability to do things. If something happened and I could no longer accomplish these things would I matter less? We change and grow throughout life so does our worth also? Somehow I don’t think so and I know that I say this through the lens of faith, that even when I cannot love myself I know at the very core of my being that God loves me. It is incomprehensible, inexplicable and never ending. But what if I lose my faith or if I had no faith? How would I know I matter? These questions do pose a quandary for not all who traverse this earth have the same faith or a faith at all. Rationally, therefore, I cannot accept my own answer to why we matter as being grounded in that belief that God loves us.

Given I see the issue with my naturally inclined response I looked elsewhere. I started with the assumption that we all matter equally. This is espoused in most faiths and is the cornerstone of the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights. We all matter equally; but we all perform vastly different functions and to diverse levels, therefore the reason we matter cannot be in what we do. We all matter equally; but we all relate to others differently, eliciting different emotional responses and gendering our own emotional responses in varying ways. Additionally, it is not viable for our own self-worth to be bound up in the emotion of another person who could easily render us devastated beyond words. Therefore we cannot matter because of how we feel or how we make others feel. We all matter equally; but we think differently, therefore it cannot be from our mental capacity. What is then left but the spirit?

The only logical illogical explanation is that there is something transcendental about our humanity, a spirit within, that both connects us to everything and means more than our mortal bodies and capacity. In a way my original answer was viable. We matter because of the spiritual aspect of our humanity; which for me, through my Catholic lens, is that I am made in the image and likeness of God who loves me beyond reason and without limit. Even when I struggle and fail, my soul is connected to something greater. I have a potential that I will never comprehend that is not about achievements or awards.

We can’t matter because of what we do, what we think, who we birth, who we marry, who we love, what religion we follow, what we say, who we are friends with or who we are a child of, this is ultimately external to ourselves no matter how deeply our feelings of love for these people and beliefs are embedded. We matter because we are spiritual beings at our core (regardless of religious affiliation and tradition).

I want every child on this planet to grow up knowing that he or she matters. How can this be achieved if we don’t have adults that know it. You have to see it to be it or so they say. Find your spirit.