Forgiveness

Recently, I ran a retreat for Year 12s and at the end the focus of our liturgy is forgiveness and reconciliation. For me personally, forgiveness is a challenge. I find it hard to run with the word. Let’s face it – our experiences colour our lens significantly. Too many times I have heard others pretentiously talk about forgiving and moving on, as if it were a badge to wear. This has, I realise, tainted my relationship with the word – forgive.

Forgiveness is a courageous act that takes strength. Look at what God forgives in us! We can but aspire to imitate his infinite love and to try – daily – to find that courage and strength to truly forgive. I think that forgiveness is not really understood (or perhaps it is something I don’t really understand). There is something about forgiveness that is healing, and it is something we need to turn inwards to ourselves.

There are people in the world who have done amazing and ground-breaking work in forgiveness – people like Azim Khamisa – whose stories are so powerful and inspirational. If you have not read about this – my recommendation is to google it. Well worth the read.

I feel like there is so more to understand about forgiveness. We need to remember that our experience of a person does not define that person, it is a moment, or many moments, but it is not the entirety of the person. Then this needs to be balanced with accountability. How do you do that? In a way a part of forgiveness (internalised) is understanding that accountability does not lie with one person – we need to create systems and structures that support this. We can be forgiven but we also need to face the consequences of our actions. Too often I see pride, excuses and avoidance instead of humility.

After all, in the Catholic church we have ritualised forgiveness as a Sacrament. It is a Sacrament that we can access many times. Penance, albeit not a typically difficult act, is given after each visit to the confessional. Acknowledgement, true sorrow, a desire to do better and not to sin again, a humble willingness to atone – all combine in this sacrament. It is so much more than an apology.

Humility emerges when we forgive and when we are forgiven. Don’t you feel so humble when the person you have wronged does not condemn you but forgives you? As a collective race of beings how do we balance that generosity of forgiveness with responsibility?