The Female Theologian

A new beginning.

Our lives are full of new beginnings. When things change in our professional, familial, social world we embark on new ‘chapters’ and yet we are guaranteed of this one new beginning every 365 days. Perhaps it is this consistency that allows us to take it somewhat for granted. We develop our annual rites of passage to mark the transition from one year into the next. It really is a time to reflect on the year that was and set goals or intentions for the year that is about to begin.

I felt drawn to the Book of Joshua – that transition from Moses to Joshua and from wandering in the desert into the Promised Land.

‘Be strong and stand firm, for you are the man to give this people possession of the land that I swore to their fathers I should give to them. Only be strong and stand firm and be careful to keep all the Law which my servant Moses laid on you. Never swerve from this to right or left, and then you will be happy in all you do. Have the book of this Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may carefully keep everything that is written in it. Then you will prosper in your dealings, then you will have success.

Have I not told you: Be strong and stand firm? Be fearless then, be confident, for go where you will, the Lord your God is with you.’

Firstly, when thinking about the Jewish covenant with God, I transfer this concept to my Christian world view. I don’t tend to frame it in the context of a covenant or an agreement, but socio-culturally my context is vastly different to the time when this was the semantics. I enter into a relationship with God. It essentially is just like (I think) the OT Covenant. The word ‘relationship’ is bandied about today a lot. In education it is all about building relationships with students so they feel safe and can learn. In life we build relationships with people we find some affinity with as we seek connection. How is my relationship with God different to all this?

In daily life if the other person does not put effort or put ‘in’ to the relationship ultimately we will walk away, we reach that point when it just seems hollow and one-sided, or it will just fade into insignificance and die a natural death. I cannot speak to how God puts ‘in’ to our relationship, nor can I explain how I feel like God is there, all I can do is think about how do I put into our relationship?

Communication is always important in relationships. I pray. I make time for God. I think about God (possibly not as much as I should). Mostly though, when I think about what I put in – I bring this understanding that this relationship is grounded eternally in a love that cannot ever fade away to nothing, that it is a part of who I am and even if the ground disappears beneath my feet the foundation of this relationship will always exist. I would have to not exist for this relationship to not exist. That may make no sense to some but it is what it is, just as I am who I am. This sense I have experienced with other people to a lesser degree. I’m sure many have. We have those friendships or relationships that go untouched for periods of time but then when you communicate again the glimmer of love and connection is as bright as it was when contact was daily, there is something within that will remain with you for life. When I enter into relationship I allow that person to take up some residence in my heart or my soul and this is the centre from which I determine the me I want to be. And isn’t this the time to think about who we want to be this year?

Like Joshua, I have understandings that I need to keep with me and not just store them, allowing this to shape my current responses to things – if we do not use our knowledge it becomes a dusty book on a shelf in a digitized world. Let’s face it – we know a lot of stuff, but we do not allow all of this knowledge to influence our decision making processes, we are called to be selective. So what will I bring with me from 2021 (and the years leading up to this)? What does it mean for me to prosper and have success? I have never really been one to carry purely academic knowledge with me. Even with my mathematics background it has been more my ability to apply reason and seek to prove and to analyze that I carry rather than theorems and concepts. I hope to carry that desire to seek the truth and to prove that it is truth (to myself and sometimes to others). I have always loved literature and the deeper meaning inherent in symbolism. That too I wish to bring into 2022. Over the past decade I have a growing element in my relationship with the world. It is not all about me. Previously, I admit, I have essentially looked on the world through a lens that wanted ‘me’ to be ok. Now I want my human dignity to be upheld and a part of that is I need to uphold the dignity of others. My dignity is inherently bound to the dignity of my global cousins (I use the word cousins as it is gender neutral and just kind of fits). My relationship with the world is not just me and the world – it is ‘us’, an all-encompassing ‘us’. I hear the words in the Book of Joshua: Be strong and stand firm. This is what I hope will shape my 2022.

What will you bring with you?

The last line of the reading humbles me a great deal.

Be fearless then, be confident, for go where you will, the Lord your God is with you.

I will fail. I will venture into situations willingly that do not uphold my dignity. I will act against all that I have written, cause harm, be broken and breaking. My words will at times bring no life only destruction. I know this. I don’t want it and I could say this year it won’t happen but this would be a lie. No matter how I try I will fail. In the words of Brene Brown failure is inevitable – you are going to fail. But ‘go where I will’ my God will not abandon me. This is the hope that buoys my heart and saves my soul. In the darkest moment, if I reach out, God will be there. That is our relationship.

Not everyone has this relationship with God. But everyone needs this sort of relationship. This is where humanity needs to pick up the baton. We need to be that quiet presence in the dark, but to do this we need to be aware of the dark which is not always visible. For don’t we all have that Macbeth moment at some point when we are ‘in blood stepp’d in so far that returning were as tedious as go o’er?’

Some of us are truly blessed with friends who often avert us from that path. Be grateful for them – they are such a blessing, like sunlight breaking through a canopy of trees and letting the colours shine through.

In 2022 I hope to see a world under construction where dignity is acknowledged for all, darkness is a place from which we can return and each person looks to be a blessing rather than be blessed. Together we can wade our way through Covid (in all its variants), counter the climate crisis, render racism to antiquity and pursue peace with all the passion of a bargain-hunter on Black Friday. Bring it on.

Firstly, a blessed Christmas to all. At the end of another globally confining year shaded by uncertainty and the fear of what is unknown may the hope of Christmas fill your hearts.

I’ve been trying to find a clear focus to write about but I keep coming back to children and joy. Let’s face it – every child is an infinite blessing – but this child – Jesus -is celebrated today because of Easter. As such the shadow of the cross appears simultaneously with the glory of the star of hope.

Jesus for me is the most powerful human to ever walk the earth. Just look at the impact he has had! We have Christmas because he was born (well really we have Christmas because he died). He was powerful in his humility. He taught us that humility is more powerful than giving commands. So often we desire and cling to authority but Jesus was the most innately powerful but embraced humility. What an un-Christian mess we are making: we even learn how to gain power today, we take courses on how to lead etc. so clearly we seek it, which is very un-Jesus-like, because we either want power or to be with powerful people. Power corrupts. For some reason tonight I keep thinking of the Scripture where Jesus says to the disciples to let the children come to him. It fits with Christmas as children make the most sense of Christmas. As parents don’t we do so much extra for our children and stand down and let others take the credit? Even when they are teenagers (and adults)! A bit humble really – but the most powerful act. We want them to feel special and to believe in something beyond the grey reality of daily life. Just for a moment to have a tangible view of how they are loved beyond measure. How many presents are from parents and how many from Santa? Don’t we do this as adults let alone as parents? Don’t we look to make children feel joy at this time? All children. Inclusion. We are more giving at this time of year than any other. Christmas is when we are so inclusive that no one is outside our sphere of love. All are welcome to be housed within that fence – no-one is deliberately made to stand outside looking in. This is the ONE time of the year we are like this. We hold onto power by excluding – but Christmas is ALL about humility and inclusion. Why is this once a year?

I feel really clouded and lacking clarity but if I could say anything this Christmas it is:

Humility is more powerful than authority.

Children are everything.

Love powers us to be more than we ever thought we could be.

We are richer when we believe in more than the immediate reality, if that something brings hope and encourages us to treat our fellow humans with love and compassion.

Personally, I think there is much that brings joy and much to bring hope. Let us hold onto hope and love and try and recapture that joy that is so overpowering as a child that we run away from at every opportunity as an adult.

Let there be joy this year. Be blessed. Be humble. Be compassionate. Go with love.

When reflecting on the decade that was (my 40s) as the day begins on this final day, I find I have been blessed by the presence of many angels (working through a wonderful group of people) throughout these past 10 years. It has been this support that has called me to stand on thresholds and be drawn in new directions, being able to accept my own ambivalence and my contradictions as part of my essence in a space where conformity was the directive. This allowed healing. If we don’t find or allow healing, then we fester, and festering makes us rot from the inside out. In so many ways today we pick at our wounds (which is something we were always told not to do by our wise maternal influences) and even when we don’t there are those who do it for us and pick, pick, pick until it opens wider than before. It is those angels masquerading as humans whose compassionate kindness pours balm on those wounds that I give thanks for today. For when we are wounded, we tend to retreat into safety and shy away from the wildness that takes us into the other, away from what is safe, where we can be warriors. And the world needs warriors.

There are angels in my life that have seen what was not visible; what a gift is this to have people open their kind eyes to the unseen suffering before them and smile with compassion on a hidden brokenness. This is the goodness that allows us to embrace what is awkward within and dance courageously to the beat of our own drum (even if it lacks rhythm). It certainly allowed me to see the dignity that presides in my soul and confirmed my own worth which is a gift that is infinite and cannot be revoked.

So much lies within the human spirit, within the heart, that is so much more than words and ‘ticking boxes’. I believe there is (as Solomon says) a ‘love no flood can quench’, not romantic love but a love within each person and this is the love that needs to be protected and nurtured, this is the love that our angels protect. The love that emanates from within but is called to live beyond our being and to echo in the hallways of creation.

What have I learnt in the past 10 years? I think we are all reflections. With all the religious reading I do I have lost count of the number of times I have read about humanity being a reflection of God and how we reflect divinity differently. Personally, I needed a little more science in this. Humanity is primarily a diffuse reflection from our rough surface (not only of the divine but of all we encounter). Our reflections go in all different directions because we are not some neat smooth surfaces. One of the greatest learnings I derived from this was that humanity’s flaws are where our greatest strengths grow. God could not have made a mistake (in my mind) and so our flaws must be for a reason. It has been in my flaws, from the pain they cause, that I have learnt perhaps a little humility and strength and it is through being flawed and accepting ‘this is reality’ whilst striving to improve that I have flourished. For what good is there in saying we are all flawed, this is one of my flaws please accept it. No. We need to address them, love ourselves regardless of them, but always try and do better. For by doing better we are better. I like to think I am a better person today than I was 10 years ago and that is in tribute to the angels who journeyed with me through the darkest of times.

I have learnt that it is the kindness of others that powers the universe and keeps the world spinning on its axis. This is the indefatigable generator that gives us the energy to keep going when our batteries need a recharge (or a total replacement). Kindness is something that we cannot expect but our hearts crave, something we are called to be and to be without demanding recompense. Fortunately for myself, I have been blessed with some of the kindest people whose active compassion weaves a net to catch me when I fall. I have been in the position to compare this with the ‘kindness’ that comes with a cost – where ‘gratitude’ and ‘conformity’ are the currency and without these being paid the ‘kindness’ does not simply cease it becomes menacing. This exists in the world and is one of the greatest harms as it slides unseen into our psyche and like an open wound poison us from within. It is that true kindness, given freely and without charge, that is the most underrated agent of human change.

What will the next 10 years hold? Who knows! It doesn’t matter really. I know from what I have learnt this past decade that there are some amazing people out there and if I am open to that generous kindness every struggle will not be alone and every celebration will be ever more joyous because of the wonderful individuals who celebrate with me. For joy, that expression of God’s goodness, the net of love, is an attitude that can defy any circumstance, and is something many acts of kindness have brought me even if I have not had the words to express my gratitude, but as Shakespeare said, ‘silence is the greatest herald of joy, I were but little happy if I could say how much.’  So please take all my previous silences as testament to how much joy your kindness has wrought.

I wish I were better at going gently amid the noise and haste, but patience is a work in progress for me and my passion often drives me with a narrow determination. I do want to bring more clearly the Desiderata into my daily life:

 Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.                                             

I feel ready to embark on the pilgrimage that will be my 50s. In the words of Australian poet Michael Leunig:

God lead us to the slow path; to the joyous insights of the pilgrim; another way of knowing; another way of being. Amen.

   

In the Gospel of Matthew we read of the parable of the darnel.

The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field. While everybody was asleep his enemy came, sowed darnel all among the wheat, and made off. When the new wheat sprouted and ripened, the darnel appeared as well. The owner’s servants went to him and said, “Sir, was it not good seed that you sowed in your field? If so, where does the darnel come from?” “Some enemy has done this” he answered. And the servants said, “Do you want us to go and weed it out?” But he said, “No, because when you weed out the darnel you might pull up the wheat with it. Let them both grow till the harvest; and at harvest time I shall say to the reapers: First collect the darnel and tie it in bundles to be burnt, then gather the wheat into my barn.” (Mt 13: 24-30)

Every person is precious to God. If we are wheat, then God is not willing to risk our souls and our development, our potential, to let others weed out the darnel. That is really hopeful. It is also really challenging. Sometimes, most-times, God has more faith in my ability than I do. By leaving the darnel there it potentially damages my growth – if I let it. This makes growth a fight, a struggle, a challenge. When wheat and darnel grow together the noxious weed tries to choke the wheat and starve it of the nutrients taking them for itself. Some grains of wheat do not experience this. The crop and harvest is not uniform. There will be wheat that has had every advantage, every nutrient necessary and there will be those who experienced hunger and thirst, pressure and intimidation, and an incredible darkness. The sad part is not every grain of wheat will grow to fruition, some will wither and die because of these weeds in the harvest. It can be a brutal battle to be what you are intended to become.

Darnel is a dangerous weed. It mimics wheat and so is difficult to identify from the good crop. It is a persuasive image of good whilst being the dire opposite and the effects are devastating. It cannot survive without assistance but it still reduces the value of the crop, hinders the progress of horticulture and increases the cost of agriculture. The weeds in our human harvest destroy lives whilst safeguarding their own. Darnel is a health hazard. It can be toxic to humans and animals. Howard Thomas, a professor of Biology, wrote in the Journal of Ethnobiology:

Where there is darnel, there is treachery and toxicity.

Throughout literature darnel has been a symbol of subversion. In the scripture it is sowed by the ‘enemy’. It even appears in my beloved King Lear when he is mad and emerges crowned with rank fumiter and furrow-weeds, With hordocks, hemlock, nettles, cuckoo-flowers,
Darnel, and all the idle weeds that grow. (4.4.2–5) We are subverted by those inspired by ‘the enemy’ which is the devil. Evil is most effective when it mimics good.

Darnel in small doses generates a euphoric state and has been used to give beer an extra ‘kick’. Just as we can desire a release from pain (physical, emotional, spiritual) darnel metaphorically sits there and offers us something we can not find within. This is where we lose sight of our innate goodness. If we cannot find it within then why are we pursuing it? We need to connect from within rather than trying to escape. How often do we seek physical gratification instead of spiritual?

My personal challenge from this passage is – what if I am darnel and not wheat? God tells us not to judge but we always do, it seems to be our default mode or system setting. Sometimes we say we don’t judge but how many times is that because we know we should not, but we still do (even a little). No matter how many times I restart my machine (so to speak) I always judge even though I know I shouldn’t. It is never suggested in the scriptural text but I’m going to draw a lengthy (and somewhat unliteral) bow – what if the wheat does not just die because of the darnel but what if the wheat becomes like darnel? If I am indeed wheat I would rather they went to the field and removed all that darnel. Assuming I am wheat. Not darnel. But I wont know, none of us will, until the harvest is gathered. Until then we just have to fight for the space in the soil, the nutrients, the water and most of all the light, for without the sunlight we will never grow.

There has been much in recent years about gender equality. Women have more opportunities today than in previous centuries but still remain a minority in powerful decision-making positions. Society continues to prioritise men in many facets of life. Religion is probably one of the biggest boys clubs in the world. We have an all-male priesthood in the Catholic Church. Despite all the statements about human dignity and equality etc women remain restricted by gender. Women have challenged this and continue to raise their voices and their words to push towards that myth of equality. It is an interesting situation as not all female voices align. Indeed this challenge is raised by men and women, but not all.

This is the impact of the ‘boys-club’ mentality in society. For some the desire to have what men have been given is priceless and any cost will be paid. After a while these women become part of the boys-club and perpetuate the attitudes and behaviours as ‘they had to rise above them’ rather than changing from within the power circle. This does so much damage as they become a statistic to suggest that the ‘boys-club’ is past simply because women exist in their ranks. Some do not see gender inequality as important. I never used to see any issue with an all-male clergy for the first 3 decades of my life and it was from experiencing the negative impact of the boys-club that made me question the power structures surrounding me in my workplace, in my Church and in my community. To be fair I don’t actually think the boys club is a purely male thing – I think it is a social norm that a lot of people follow and there exist many advocates for equality who are male.

I think gender inequality goes against our faith. It goes against the teachings of Jesus and the philosophical traditions he followed.

There is a prayer in the Book of Judith in the Hebrew Scriptures:

Your strength does not lie in numbers,

nor your might in violent men;

since you are the God of the humble,

the help of the oppressed,

the support of the weak,

the refuge of the forsaken,

the saviour of the despairing.

Also too let us consider the first letter of John:

My dear people,

let us love one another

since love comes from God

and everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.

Anyone who fails to love can never have known God,

because God is love.

Both these passages reflect the nature of the divine as being grounded in love. John tells us that the essence of God is love. We aspire to be god-like in our actions and so we are called to act lovingly. Judith describes God as a divinity that walks with the downtrodden in times of trial. Neither of these texts places God on a throne giving commands, but a God who cares, who places wellbeing before accountability. This places the most powerful being, not as a micro-managing dictator, but a nurturer who walks with us when we need to sense support. If it is all supposed to germinate from love why then do those in power cling to power over kindness, to self-justification over truth, to tradition over inclusivity? What is the truth that is at the heart of our humanity that is not bound by race, colour, religion or gender?

There is a citation in a paper acknowledging the work of Karl Rahner from James F. Keenan in an article ‘Conscience in an Ethics of the Word’ about the importance of dialogue.

The best way we can find the truth is by leaving ourselves open to dialogue, humbly acknowledging that we may not know the truth as clearly we may think we know it. One practice would be to leave ourselves open to those who disagree with us. For they will help us see what in conscience we do not see (and vice versa).

James F Keenan, ‘Conscience in an Ethics of the Word’, Church (New York: National Catholic Life Center, Fall 2005) p.51

We talk about ‘breaking the glass ceiling’ but how about shattering the prejudicial walls that society continues to erect around women (and other minorities). Religion exists in society and ultimately, given all the philosophy of equality it espouses, perhaps it is valid to assert that religion conforms to social norms when it prioritises the male lens. We need men and women, the powerful and the humble, to engage in dialogue to derive a truth that is True for all of humanity, instead of bringing to the decision-making table like-minded individuals who are not going to change this situation and bring equality into our present.

The temptation in the desert from the Gospels. Often we focus on the temptations (there are 3) and brush over the first part of the reading which informs us that Jesus was led by the Spirit. He was out in the wilderness for a purpose – he was fasting and praying to prepare himself to pursue his mission with passion.

The first temptation appears to be about physical comfort. He is fasting and therefore is logically hungry. But Jesus is fasting for a reason – remember he was led by the Spirit and is actively preparing himself, upskilling if you like, so he can be ready for the challenges ahead. Beyond the physicality of the ‘temptation’ it is also a distraction. The temptations are distractions from the goal.

Don’t we have this in our daily lives?

We aspire to be the best version of self and off we go to change the world and make it a better place. Then things come along that distract us from our goal to be positive world-changers. Perhaps we get drawn into the other temptations such as to power. There is a saying that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. How many of us have encountered people who perhaps are or were kind and benevolent to all at one point but with power have narrowed this perspective to a select group of humanity? This is a terrible temptation that seems to change the most people. Power is to be used for good but instead we see these narrow-minded cliques forming that minimize the positive impact.

The other temptation from the devil to Jesus was to test God. I think the contemporary version of this is to try and prove faith in a scientific way. We need to hold true to what is in our heart of hearts and not allow ourselves to be distracted from this core belief.

There are many temptations in life today. Each person is tempted by different things. Temptation usually leads us away from our own moral codes and is almost never a good thing when we give in to it. I can’t think of a time when a temptation has been good. Mostly things are called a temptation when they make us veer off the path that we ourselves have chosen or defined as good, honourable or desired.

So how do we resist? How did Jesus resist? We could say oh Jesus was divine its not a fair example, but Jesus was also human. What does he do?  He put time and effort into doing some hard stuff to upskill and prepare himself for the task that lay ahead. He allowed himself to be led by the Spirit. This is not as easy as it sounds. We like to be in control. We listen to ourselves and those around us and sometimes we don’t hear the voice of God. It takes time and effort to hear.

We often focus on the physical and ignore the spiritual. How many tomes of writing are there on healthy eating, exercise etc all focused on the body? We need this, but we need an equal balance of intellectual development and spiritual and emotional. As an entity we need to develop all components to be fully human and our best self. What we take in (not just food and drink) impacts how we think and feel.

To resist temptation, we need to know the path we wish to walk. Too often we accept a vague sense and don’t take the time to understand it clearly, without understanding how we can really commit. And how can someone resist the temptation to stray if one is not committed?

Clarity. Commitment. Resilience. Strength.

Back to the thread started a few weeks ago. Today – what we have failed to do regarding the environment.

Those words ‘what I have failed to do’ still resonate in me. We tend to be do-ers which is interesting when reflecting on the environment and sins of omission. It is our doing that has damaged the environment so that falls into the ‘for what I have done’ part of the confiteor but it is our lack of action to fix things that I focus on today.

We make choices every day. These choices direct the production of items that we purchase. Do we choose throw-away for its convenience over the more environmentally-friendly option? How difficult is it really to bring a drink bottle from home and refill it?

We have failed to appreciate. How often do you get out in nature and take the time to appreciate it’s infinite beauty? In the words of Wordsworth, ‘I gazed and gazed but little thought the wealth the show to me had brought’. We are not looking or seeing, we are navigating our bodies through the physical – when we need to nurture our souls through the transcendent, actively looking for those moments, those breaths of something so much more than oxygen.

How often do you think about the ground on which you walk and feel grateful for all it provides? We profess a cultural awareness of our First Nations People but why then do we not let some of their perspectives shape our relationship to this environment that we share? We have focused on owning but Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples feel the land owns them not the reverse. These are polar opposite views – so how do we allow our own lens to be coloured with a more humble sense of place?

The earth is infinitely connected to our humanity. We co-exist. But more than this in Genesis we read that God made humans from dust of the earth and breathed his spirit into them. On Ash Wednesday (if we go old-school) we hear ‘remember you are dust unto dust you shall return’. Our nourishment spawns from the earth, our drinking water flows upon it. Yet we see earth as humble. If we consider the word humility it actually means to be made low to the ground. The closer to the earth the more humble. Think of when people used to bow before a ruler, the lower the bow the more humble. We should by nature be humble, if we do indeed stem from the humble earth, are sustained by the humble earth and eventually return to the humble earth and our bodies become one with it. We have failed to act as though we are humble. We waltz through the warm days with our purchasing power and blinkers blinding us to the wasteland we created.

We have failed to change our lifestyles, our mindsets and our consumption rates. If we keep failing to act, failing to challenge those in power to act, failing to choose sustainability over convenience perhaps some of the dystopian films will prove prophetic.

I had every intention of making my next post part 3 of the sins of omission with a focus on the environment and that is yet to come, probably the next one. After recent personal events I felt called to reflect on the ongoing abuse of power that is prevalent in society.

Power is not a gift it is a responsibility. With great power comes great responsibility but as far as I can see, instead of placing the wellbeing and love for the other at the heart of that responsibility we have placed a tick-box ‘accountability’ that is essentially a glorified justification of doing what you want and pretending it is moral.

Over time the Church has abused its power, that is a fact. Society reminds us of this again and again. But I question you Society – are you any less without blame in this area? You, who perpetuate the oppression of minorities, you who co-created this patriarchal society where being a woman becomes more of a defining quality than if you are a man? Let me explain that. We are born equal in dignity. God loves men and women equally. Yet many of the world religions have different rules for men and women. And you, Society, you define us women as ‘woman’ before you consider our other traits and abilities; whereas with men you say ‘oh he is a intelligent’ or ‘he is a leader’ or ‘he is talented’, incorporating gender in but not as that key defining quality. I am a woman. That is a fact. But I am also intelligent, a leader, talented, kind and compassionate. Why should I be pushed down when I challenge a man – I have the right to do so! And yet, from experience, if a woman challenges a man there is retaliation. It is not just within the domestic field but it is riddled throughout the workplace and the never-ending ‘boys club’ that exists and has not diminished – it has merely dressed itself differently. And you, Society, play a great role in this tragedy. This does not come from God. My God loves me. My God is with me when I am oppressed. My God is that eternal presence that gives me hope that this is not how it is supposed to be.

Currently, I am loving the music of Banners. (My children will attest to this and are a bit sick of it but hey I have to put up with their music in the car so quid pro quo child!) There is a song that to me is a conversation between me and God when I lie in bed and wonder what the hell is going on and how am I to survive this?

When the lights go out and leave you standing in the dark
No one ever told you this would be so hard
I know you think your fire is burning out
But I still see you shining through
You got it in you

I am blessed. I also have a wonderful network of friends who ‘welfare check-in’ with me daily when I am struggling in this mire that you Society allow. But what if I didn’t? I had a rude awakening the other day when I found out a friend in a distant city had been in a similar situation to myself and had attempted suicide. There is this vicious cycle of abuse dressed as professionalism that is killing people. Society is giving power to those who want it – not to those who will do the most good with it. There are many so-called leaders that I have met that call themselves Catholic and profess to be ‘good men’ but they do not walk as Jesus did. They talk a great deal but it is when you see how they treat those who do not fall in line that you see their hunger for power is at their core not compassion. Being nice to those who pander to you is not integrity – even despots and dictators do that.

Think of the woman at the well. She was quite challenging in her existence at the time to Jesus the Jew. He, in turn, challenged her. In that dialogue I see hope.

That is how it should be that we challenge each other to be the best we can be. How about it Society? Do you think you can change so that those with power are the ones who deserve it because power is supposed to be there to protect not to make people suffer. Can you remove the disguise from the boys club that makes you Society such a hypocrite? Maybe if Society breaks this down then the Church will actually become more gender friendly as the Church exists in Society not the other way around.

Society reminds us almost daily to ‘fuel’ our bodies. That what we put into our body DIRECTLY impacts our health and wellbeing. Our physical body is positively affected by giving it the nutrients that help it function at a higher level, conversely giving it chemically evolved food negatively affects our ability to function effectively. There are needs – nutritional needs – that our body has and if we meet these we can use our bodies more to capacity.

Why do we not apply this to our minds and our spirit? What do we feed our minds and spirits? We all share a common biology and the whole nutrient-in concept is accepted but when it comes to our minds and spirits we don’t apply the same parameters? As a parent driving children to school I used to be appalled at some of the topics covered and things said on radio whilst my children were in the car, there appears to be no limit on what is put out there as if it doesn’t affect us. Some people assert that nothing put out there affects us personally. There is this thing called the Third-Person Effect; the idea that social media messages impact others more than they do ourselves. Sounds a bit non-sensical to assume we have immunity when others don’t.

The reason I write this in this context is because I believe some of this is our collective sin of omission. Society had (and still has) the chance to make pornography illegal. But we didn’t and don’t. From some PD I did on the impact of pornography and the reality of it based on the resource ‘In the Picture’, I discovered some terrifying statistics. Most porn has violence towards women. Not just women – 88% of porn has physical violence but 94% of that aggression is directed towards women. Consider that alongside the fact that in Australia, intimate partner violence causes more illness, disability and deaths than any other risk factor for women aged 25–44. But we live in a society where many say they can watch it and it does not affect how they think and behave? Surely not.

In what I have failed to do …

Society has failed to protect women. We do not act when we have the chance and with this example ultimately we prioritize process and money over wellbeing and well … life. Equality simply does not exist but this threat on physical and emotional safety is something we need to address first. If sin is a moral or religious transgression and a state of sin is being estranged from God then what sort of state are we heading to if we keep minimizing the devastating impact of sin on ourselves and others? I’ve even heard women in Catholic institutions describe the porn industry as a valid workplace, that if someone chooses it and is paid for it, then this is ok.

I say no.

The ‘industry’ simply should not exist. Instead of suggesting that it is better to have some way of earning money why not look at creating other work opportunities. My criticism is FIRMLY directed at those that create the industry and promote it, not those who fall prey to life’s struggle and find themselves on screen. We are all human and do what we need to survive.  The damage that this industry has on young and old is mammoth. If we look at the statistics and join the dots what can we say about the impact on society, on ourselves, on our very soul?

This brought me to a conundrum at Mass. Before Communion we say ‘Lord I am not worthy for you to enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.’ I really struggled with this last weekend as I thought about the soul as that most beautiful space within where we encounter the Divine. These words at Mass seem to suggest that our soul is intrinsically broken or sick or fractured, but our soul is innately beautiful beyond our comprehension. I understand (and like) the reminder that we are flawed and need to be humble but I don’t like this suggestion that the soul -that place of connection with God – is broken. I understand the reconciliatory aspect of this prayer and that we always need forgiveness but a broken soul? The theological concepts are beyond my words (for now anyway). It is a concept that sits uncomfortably for me and I will keep thinking about it until I find the words I am so lacking right now. Instead, for now, what if we focused on what we can do to help keep our soul healthy just like we spend all this time on our bodies?

So instead of what should we not do – let us just think what we can do to be healthy? What are the ‘nutrients’ for our soul? Logically, if the soul is the space of connection with the Transcendent then there needs to be something that nourishes that landscape. Which inspirational authors, what music, what art, what activity make you feel the presence of God and calls you to be your best version of self, living out all the values that we espouse that in our daily life we struggle to fulfil in our increasingly secularized society?

There is a song by Banners called ‘Where the Shadow Ends’. Whilst not the entirety of the song applies here there is a vibe to it that just calls out to me in this conversation:

When you can’t go round and you can’t outrun

What lies behind, what stands in front

Through the broken gates of kingdom come

I will see you again when the night is dawn

There’s a darkness up ahead

I will see you where the shadow ends

Cross the badlands to rise again

I will see you where the shadow ends

As an English teacher I always appreciate the play on dark and light – it really is timeless. This part I find is timely – we are in a situation that is created and narrated to some extent by the things that have preceded us and where we are headed. We cannot avoid this context – it is in this we exist. The idea of the kingdom having broken gates I think speaks to the corruption we have seen and continue to see in our religious organisations which have continued to succumb to the trappings of power. The gate may be broken but it is still functional, but perhaps it is time to repair it. There is always going to be light and shade but there is that point where the shadow does end and sometimes we have to journey through ‘badlands’ if we are to rise again to the challenge of being Gospel-inspired people.

In the Confiteor we pray:

That I have sinned through my own fault

In my thoughts and in my words,

In what I have done and in what I have failed to do …

It is a counter-cultural thought really as we are held accountable for what we do and what we say in a legal sense in society today.  How do we hold someone accountable for what they don’t do and what is left silent?

It’s a tricky landscape the sins of omission. It is both collective and individual. Yet traditionally we see sin as more of an individual thing for which each person accounts for his or her own sin. Countless times I have told children in school not to focus on the consequence for the other but to think about what they did as that is what they are responsible for and if their consequence is just and yet our collaborative sin often renders far more devastation and needs to also be addressed. It is a bit of a conundrum as we like collective justice (a sort of fairness) but it does not exist. We all carry different frailties and limits and therefore are capable of varying outcomes. Surely the focus should be on what we can do rather than what we can’t – and then do we do all we can?

External requirements cannot be a constant. Even so, there are things that are being perpetuated into the fabric of society because we do nothing. These are our sins of omission. To sin is to go against divine law – usually we say it is a moral transgression but this is about our failure to act. Realistically if our inaction, that we have the skills and facilities to address, results in harm to others then it is sin. Ignorance is not an excuse as, just like in law, we have a responsibility to be aware. Not everyone has the same ability to do so but how do we face this in a society where people are encouraged to look after themselves first, to justify all the harmful things we do, to talk about individual truth overpowering the need to be just, to talk about an individual conscience and about intention as if that is more important than action. These are the things we fail to do. We have the technology to be informed, but we aren’t. We have enough to feed the world, but hunger still kills. Fear and hate power society instead of love and kindness. Equality is still a myth. The earth is struggling to breathe but we have the skills to save it. We are charged with stewardship of creation. Look at how we have failed there – both individually and collectively. We are supposed to keep safe the weak. And yet the elderly and disabled, women and children are frequently facing dangers from predators.  Predators who are bound by the same moral code of humanity.

Matthew 16:26 “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?”

This part of the Gospel came out of what seemed to be a frustrated Jesus in dialogue with disciples that just weren’t entirely ‘getting it’. There was a bit of ‘pendulum swinging’ among the inner circle from their inability to understand metaphor to Peter’s declaration to then just after being called the rock, being told to ‘get behind [him] Satan’. When we are frustrated don’t we sometimes grab at language that is powerful so that people will understand at least a little? This says to me that my soul is the most important part of me. There has been much written about the soul by Plato, Aristotle and Aquinas but my contemporary view after reading them (and others) is that I am soul and I have body. I like the infinite aspect of ‘am’ whereas the body deteriorates, dies and decomposes. The soul is eternal. Or is it? Can you lose your soul (as suggested in the scripture passage above)? Or worse, can you give it away? I had been wondering if you could destroy parts of the soul but upon further reflection (on the words of those far wiser than myself) it appears that the soul is an entity and cannot be fragmented and therefore you cannot destroy parts of it, but the health of the soul or the energy or esse can diminish. If the soul is the life force that sustains our being why do we not look after it more than our body? Why do we not strive for what is life-sustaining for our soul rather than pleasurable for the corporeal?

So if the soul is where we are most in unity with the divine and sin is our turning away from the divine and that unity what can we do about it? When we say those words at Mass (or in private devotion) do we let them seep into the deepest cavern of our existence so that we can be more aware of the things that we fail to do? Society is not going to hold us accountable for these omissions as it is firmly entrenched in a philosophy of accountability – but our soul is charged with divinity and we are ultimately called to actively seek for the marginalized and to act with compassionate determination to deserve to be called co-creators of a world of which we are stewards, not owners. Let us not lose hope in our own humanity.

[I think there is much to be considered in how we address the sins of omission in a practical sense in our world and this will form part 2 (and possibly part 3) of this topic]